140,862 notes

standardgaydad:

u know u fucked up when u still haven’t slept yet and u hear birds chirping outside



15,452 notes

theamazingindi:

listen, i don’t know about you, but the only people I know who actually enjoy the smell of axe body spray are not women. it’s dudes. it’s all dudes. i have worn axe body spray and walked into a room and have been complimented by legions of dudes. axe body spray is an agent of the gay agenda to make men smell better for other men to unlock their latent homosexuality and there is no stopping them now, we’re in too deep and it’s far too late.








121,349 notes

astoundly:

sometimes i think i’m sassy and then i realize i’m just too sarcastic and borderline mean


362,889 notes

unnecessarymagic:

IM SO PISSED OFF THAT WE DONT HAVE BALLS ANY MORE
I WANT TO WEAR A HUGE DRESS AND BE COURTED AND DANCE AROUND AND HAVE MY GOWN SWEEP THE FLOOR AND BE ALL ELEGANT AND GRACEFUL WITH GLOVES AND SHIT

BUT NO WE HAVE DUMB HOUSE PARTIES WITH CHEAP BEER AND RED CUPS AND HORNY TEENAGE BOYS WHO PUT THEIR HANDS UP MY SHIRT

i was confused at the word balls in the beginning until i finished it



86,686 notes

mileylikestolickhammers:

clamperl:

WHY DOES FLIRTING HAVE TO BE SO HARD

I legit can’t flirt. Something weird and creepy always comes out instead of seductive and flirty. Like, i’m cool, i promise!